10. Your time to complete the 40 yard dash is 4.78 ….  minutes.

9. You’ve been disgnosed with black lung disease.

8. Your ornithophobia prevents you from playing for or against the Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons or Ravens.

7. Last week you were knocked unconscious by the tackling dummy.  Again.

6. You are wearing your protective cup – but not correctly.

5. You only weigh 113 pounds.

4. The coach says “Run an in-and-out pattern” – you return with an In-N-Out hamburger.

3. Someone hands you a football and you ask what it is.

2. Your lack of depth perception makes it impossible for you to catch any thrown object from any distance.

1. You graduated high school in 1964.

Yes, the long awaited results of the Snackdown are here and the winner is…

Brownies!

Brownies defeated Ice Cream in the finals 9-5 as the snack that reigns supreme.  Whether plain or fudge, chewy or hard, filled with nuts, chips or anything else you have handy, congrats to Brownie lovers everywhere.

In the consolation match, French Fries beat Donuts for 3rd place.  A representative for the potato community thanks everyone who voted and reminded us that a potato can also be made into batteries, not just yummy salty treats.

Definition:  Medicine made from cheese

10. JC is maxin’ and chillaxin’.

9. JC can never remember which is the faux pas – turning water into white wine or red wine with fish.

8. JC is not impressed with the new Facebook layout.

7. JC doesn’t know anything about it but really thinks you should be looking at the St. Louis Cardinals to win the World Series this year.

6. JC is not cool with the Easter Bunny – we will throw down if I find him.

5. JC is heading out to dinner at this great fish and bread basket place.

4. JC wants to move his next sermon to the Green Monster seats at Fenway.  Make it happen, people!

3. JC has no use for lima beans.

2. JC just can’t put down those exciting ‘Twilight’ novels.

1. JC admits that whole ‘walking on water’ thing was just propoganda started by those darned Galatians.

10. Fenway Frank

9. Oriole Nachos

8. Los Angeles Angel Hair Pasta

7. Dodger Dog

6. Phillie Mignon

5. Bottled Hot Dog Cart Water

4. Yankee Noodly Dandy

3. Kansas City Royale with Cheese

2. Spaghetti with meatballs and either Red or White Sox

1. Giant Nuggets

Round Robin results for the Yummy Four are in and the top two snacks are Brownies and Ice Cream.

Those two snacks will face off for the Snackdown Championship.

French Fries and Donuts will compete in the consolation game.  (yes, Snacketology is like the NIT)

definition : How long you stay high

First referenced as what we’d call ‘holes’ in 1808 and not developed in the recognized ring shape we love now for 70 years, the winner of the Cavity Snacket is Donuts!  They easily defeated Cinnamon Rolls 11-5.

Existing as snow cones with nuts and honey for 4000 years but in modern recipes for only 250, the Dinner Snacket was decided on the final vote as Ice Cream defeats Buffalo Wings 10-9.

Straight from the ovens of Bangor, Maine, the flopped cake lives on in the Y4 as Brownies beat out the highly regarded Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups 13-6 to win the Hershey Snacket.

Rounding out the Yummy 4, they should probably be called Belgian instead but we’ll live with the name French Fries as they easily defeat the Doritos family of flavored snacks by a 14-4 score to clinch the Thirsty Snacket.

Donuts, Ice Cream, Brownies and French Fries make up the 2009 Yummy Four.

Voting for the Finals will begin today – hold onto your stomachs!

10. Make every dollar bill worth two dollars.

9. Employ Henry Winkler to set up an elaborate Fonzie scheme to make money.

8. Put Department of Agriculture in charge of everyone’s weed.

7. Make everyone’s 401k plan into a 402k plan.

6. Reduce goverment by combining the states of Delaware, Rhode Island and Massachusetts into Delachu Island.

5. More bake sales.

4. From now on all corporate bonuses are paid in lottery tickets.

3. Stop giving out winning lottery tickets.

2. Build more wind farms by planting more wind seeds.

1. Replace government red ink with cheaper blue ink pens.