“You know how hard it is to get clown makeup off a bone saw?”

High quality writing.

10. Jon & Kate Plus 8, but only on weekends and alternating holidays.

9.  Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Jon’s new girlfriend Sherry.

8.  Jon & Kate Plus Block, Sharpe and Levine, LLC.

7. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a room divided by masking tape.

6. Jon & Kate Plus bitter resentment

5. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Kate’s new girlfriend Sherry.

4. Jon & Kate Minus 8 cos the kids cited irreconcilable differences.

3. Jon Plus 24 hours of uninterrupted silence.

2. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a speedy reconciliation in order to keep their million dollar show on the air.

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Join the Octomom Plus 14 in secluded anonymity.

So… I guess now it’s Jon and Kate Plus 8,… but only on weekends and alternating holidays.

The US Dept of Homeland Security believes their best shot at catching Osama Bin Laden is to nab him when he tries to cash in his free birthday dessert at Applebee’s.

Hannah Montana is the Disney Channel’s most successful program ever, surprassing Leroy Illinois and Monte Vermonty.

If you stacked up all the Oreo cookies in the world – you’d really be missing the point.

People licked the backs of postage stamps for 11 years before the Postmaster General got the idea to put glue back there.

The record for most appearances on Hollywood Squares is held by Paul Lynde.  In 2nd place- Fidel Castro.

It never fails to make me laugh when basketball coaches, players or fans complain about foul calls.  The NBA has become a complete contact game, with non-stop fouls every trip down the court.  To hear these guys whine about it like it is some new thing that just started is so ridiculous.  Every contested shot has body contact or a slap on the arm – 30 years ago these guys would foul out in 4 minutes and they are upset about someone touching the body?  Puh-leeze. Just shut up and play your stupid full-contact sport.

10. Tears for Hamsters

9. Hamster & Oates (although Oates is more hamsterish)

8. Nine Inch Hamsters

7. Van Hamster

6. Electric Light Hamster

5. Hamster Supply  (and their International hit “I’m All Out of Hamster”)

4. Bananahamsterrama

3. Destiny’s Hamster

2. They Might Be Hamsters

1. REO Speedhamster

Do people who can’t concentrate for an entire Lord of the Rings movie suffer from AD&D?

Tom Selleck – greatest mustache in history – yay or nay?

10. Your time to complete the 40 yard dash is 4.78 ….  minutes.

9. You’ve been disgnosed with black lung disease.

8. Your ornithophobia prevents you from playing for or against the Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons or Ravens.

7. Last week you were knocked unconscious by the tackling dummy.  Again.

6. You are wearing your protective cup – but not correctly.

5. You only weigh 113 pounds.

4. The coach says “Run an in-and-out pattern” – you return with an In-N-Out hamburger.

3. Someone hands you a football and you ask what it is.

2. Your lack of depth perception makes it impossible for you to catch any thrown object from any distance.

1. You graduated high school in 1964.

Yes, the long awaited results of the Snackdown are here and the winner is…

Brownies!

Brownies defeated Ice Cream in the finals 9-5 as the snack that reigns supreme.  Whether plain or fudge, chewy or hard, filled with nuts, chips or anything else you have handy, congrats to Brownie lovers everywhere.

In the consolation match, French Fries beat Donuts for 3rd place.  A representative for the potato community thanks everyone who voted and reminded us that a potato can also be made into batteries, not just yummy salty treats.