Seriously, what’s with the uniforms?  We got sideways stripes, solids, numbers and the back is stripes, then a space for the number and then stripes again.  The Kansas City Kings had a better kit than this. The Denver Broncos’ vertical striped socks were better than this.  Honestly, I have played for co-ed softball teams with a nicer look.

From the people who brought you the ‘Jersey Shore’ comes ‘Utah Shore’, from the coastline fo the Great Salt Lake.  See a group of 20-something friends who got married at 21 and had 3 kids by 25.  With skin colors ranging from pale to translucent, they don’t drink alcohol, smoke, wear short pants and can’t touch caffeine.  Enjoy their hilarious adventures as the group stays up past 8 pm, the women try to wear a tank top in public without being arrested and the boys bypass Playboy magazine for the Book of Moroni.

If you love Jersey Shore but hate drunks, cursing, orange women and kids who can’t dress themselves= you’ll LOVE Utah Shore.   Coming soon to Animal Planet.

Yesterday I saw someone wearing a Denver Broncos Travis Henry jersey.

I’m trying to decide – do you think they respect Henry for fathering 9 children with 9 different women
-or-
do they respect him for being arrested for financing a cocaine trafficking ring?

Tough choice.

Top Ten Messages I Want Jeff Goldblum to Leave on my Answering Machine.

10. Bitch, please!

9. I am the living model of a modern major general

8. You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

7. Who wants pie?

6. Obsequious

5. Have you met Ted?

4. The atomic number of Thulium is 69

3. Oh, snap!

2. Does this miniskirt make my butt look big?

1. Bazinga

“We’re going to extract the tooth.”

Everyone seems to like Michael Chiklis but this show he has next fall… No Ordinary Family?  It is about a family of four who crash into a radioactive river and get super powers.  The number of questions… it’s amazing.

1. Did you enjoy making Fantastic Four movies so much you decided to make one every week?  Four people get irradiated and suddenly change drastically?  Please, Stan Lee is getting a residual check and he’s not even involved in the stupid thing.

2. Did you not notice that NBC, starved for prime time shows, nuked Heroes (28 months too late) because it was pulling a 1 share?  Who would start a new show based upon a show that was just cancelled by the worst prime time management team ever?  NBC needs to fill about 10 hours and still cancelled the same show you are doing.

3. Why are the powers the same old boring ones?  Bulletproof, super fast, read minds… seriously, how about a new superpower for a change?  Oh, bulletproof and can’t be hurt in any way… how original – if you have 100% amnesia.

http://vimeo.com/11414505

A NBA player I won’t name is in financial trouble because he took out a loan at 85% interest.

Yeah, not 8.5, but 85.  I guess the only place where you can do that is, naturally, Vegas.  What special breed of dibbling idiot do you need to be to approve that?  No level of desperation could explain that.  You don’t have a single basketball-playing friend who could spot you a half million for 5 months?  Unbelievable.

“You know how hard it is to get clown makeup off a bone saw?”

High quality writing.

10. Jon & Kate Plus 8, but only on weekends and alternating holidays.

9.  Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Jon’s new girlfriend Sherry.

8.  Jon & Kate Plus Block, Sharpe and Levine, LLC.

7. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a room divided by masking tape.

6. Jon & Kate Plus bitter resentment

5. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Kate’s new girlfriend Sherry.

4. Jon & Kate Minus 8 cos the kids cited irreconcilable differences.

3. Jon Plus 24 hours of uninterrupted silence.

2. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a speedy reconciliation in order to keep their million dollar show on the air.

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Join the Octomom Plus 14 in secluded anonymity.