10. In a holding cell

9. In a manger

8. Charles Manson’s backyard

7. In a judge’s chambers

6. In confession

5. The international space station

4. At a pre-existing crime scene

3. The petting zoo

2. Vatican City

and the worst place to commit murder

1. In a hot air balloon

One has to wonder if this is a good time or a bad time to be the President of the United States.

On the plus side, besides being a position of fantastic respect, power and prestige, you can hardly do worse than the perception of the previous administration.  Unless the USA shuts down the stock market or Mexico invades and takes back the Alamo, just about any decision will, in the short term, be viewed as better than the decision that preceeded it.

On the negative side, the economy is in trouble, loans and mortages need years of fixing, the USA’s reputation around the world has gone from innovation to insult comic and any transition has a slow period of adjustment at the beginning.

Up first, the US needs to improve it’s world-wide image so expect the “Joe Biden 74 country world goodwill tour” to start around Valentine’s Day. Russia?  I’m looking at you.

After that Congress will probably move to improve the poverty level by raising the minimum wage which will have either a good or bad effect on small business and I don’t know which. 

Also, freezing housing closures for 3 months won’t bail us out of the logjam that is a ton of people who signed up for loans they couldn’t afford after we made a bad system that allowed it to happen.  Just cos the gov’t held up the noose and invited folks to stick their heads into it doesn’t mean either side is without blame.

As for the war – the battle has not been in Iraq, not should it have been, for several years.  Find where we need to go, do what we need to do, then do it.  And, for variety, actually listen to the field officers who tell us how to handle the problem. The sooner the troops vacate that country, the better.

It could be a great time to be Potus – if everything works you are hailed as the greatest thing since sliced bread (mmm, bread) but if nothing works you take the blame even if the mess was a hand-me-down from your undisciplined older brother.

Vote for either candidate but please vote.  Not voting isn’t avoiding making a bad choice, it’s not making a choice at all.  Even if you dislike all of your choices on an issue, surely one or more of the choices is not as bad as the others.  Be educated, be involved.

10. Why Dogs Wander Off Into the Woods When They Get Old
9. What Infections Look Like
8. Arnold, the Very Rabid Guinea Pig.
7. Why Mommy Doesn’t Like My Two Daddies
6. Sugar: The Magical Hyperactive Powder
5. Where Not to Put Glue
4. Why My Goldfish Swims Upside Down
3. The Little Engine that thought he Could until he faced the bitter reality and gave up.
2. Count All the Cop Cars Parked Across the Street at Jimmy’s House.
1. Why Eating Chili Makes Me Stinky.

I have finally lived out one of my long-standing dreams.

I now have a desk drawer filled with nothing but Chex Mix.

It seems that everyone thinks the Patriots have lost too much to win the Super Bowl.
It seems that everyone thinks the turmoil of Owens will wreck Philly’s chances.

I don’t agree. I think both will return to the Super Bowl.
The Patriots’ team still remembers the offense even if the coordinator went to South Bend.
The Patriots’ defense still remembers the scheme even if the coordinator went to Cleveland.
What has happened to keep New England from going 13-3? Nothing at all.

Indy hasn’t really changed that much and Peyton ain’t throwing 49 TDs twice.
The Steelers have injuries in the running game and Ben will lose eventually.
San Diego can’t benefit from last season’s schedule and Gates’ breakout performance.
The Ravens? No QB strength. The Chiefs? No defense. Denver? No playoff wins.
No real AFC challengers emerge.

Owens runs his mouth but he also runs his routes and catches touchdowns.
Atlanta has no passing game (can you name any Falcon receiver?) so they won’t challenge.
Minnesota’s defense is revamped and they sent away Moss. Lots of questions and a poor running game.
Carolina had too many players enjoy career years to overcome Philly.
No real NFC challengers emerge.

I see no reason why New England and Philadelphia won’t repeat in the Super Bowl.

What’s it like being a bass player for Hilary Duff?

Seriously, is that a claim to fame? What guy wants his greatest resume moment to be playing lead on Tiffany’s Greatest Hits?

I haven’t heard the guitar player for Debbie Gibson come forward and admit it. Do these people have long-term careers? Do they cut a solo album? They probably know their careers are not exactly reaching Stevie Ray Vaugn heights. I’d imagine they are just happy to be playing every day on the road and getting paid for a couple of years.

Scientists have transplanted a human hand on a dog. That way when he’s playing frisbee in the yard he won’t have to use his teeth.

Is a hobgoblin the same as a goblin? Is hob a good suffix or bad. If you’re the hobgoblin, do you get promoted to goblin in case the goblin is unable to fulfill their duties as goblin? Or is hobgoblin a superior term, like Chief or Executive? I would like to know.

Be…all that you can be. That’s how the commercial goes.

Honestly, I don’t want to be all that I can be.

That sounds like a tremendous amount of work. Honestly, being all that I can be? Being all would mean being available to help friends that I’m not such good friends with move from one house to another. Being all that I can be would mean giving time and money if I had extra. Of course, I have the fall-back excuse that I do NOT have any extra money, but everyone has extra time if they make time. All it takes is one less hour of prime-time TV and >Boom< you’ve got time.

Make I could be half of all I can be. How’s that? 50% isn’t bad. Naturally I wouldn’t maintain that every day, just on occasion. Some of the time I can be 50% of all I can be.

Tell you what – I promise to start at 20% of what I can be. Right off the top, straight out of the gate I’ll give you 20%. I think with my work ethic, education and background I can safely promise 20% no problem at all. Soon after, once I get my feet wet, that’ll jump to 25% like you never knew what hit you. There you have one-fourth of all I can be and you didn’t even have to beg or plead or anything.

Now after a while I’m sure that 25 will grow to 30 or even 33% of all I can be. That’s one third. You betcha, man! One-third of all I can be is just sitting there, taunting you, laughing behind your back and mocking your walk and your shoes. Seriously, those shoes? You’ve got to do something there. The walk I can accept – that’s genetic – but those shoes are a damned atrocity. Take’em off already. Here I am giving one-third of all I can be and you don’t even have the decency to contribute decent footwear. I swear, some people.

Now we get into a gray area. I could get as high as 40% of all I can be, but now we’re talking serious labor. Paying attention, keeping track of things, being aware of my environment – I’d have to be alert and awake nearly all day and that’s one hell of a sacrifice on my part. I expect that for 40% I can make fun of people for no reason, have gifts and food brought to me on command and the dress code is gone completely. You’ve heard of casual Friday? Say hello to All-Nude Friday, providing the caveat that I can banish someone for improper nudity or at a minimum select those who must participate. Yes, I think for 40% I can get pretty much anything I want and most of the time, too.

That’s it. I don’t think I’m going higher than 40% of all that I can be. So be happy with it – I can just as easily slip back down to 35 or 30% with no trouble at all – and then you’ll be sorry you messed with me. You’ll sit back in your cushy chair and rue the day you weren’t happy with 40%. “Why didn’t I just accept him at 2/5 of all that he can be? I’m a fool!”

Yes, yes you are.