I’ll take heads,no long field goals, not a lot of turnovers, and for everyone to be sick of those ‘Undercover Boss’ commercials at the 4 minute mark of the 2nd quarter.

You want me to watch Undercover Boss?    Put Bill Gates in the mailroom of his empire and watch him get 10 wedgies in one day.

Colts 42, Saints 20.

I know everyone thinks the Saints are a good story, and they are, but the Colts offense is just too good and they are too composed.  They go 4 WR deep and if you decide to take out Wayne (see jets, ny) they’ll just go to Garcon or Collie or even Clark.  I think today Peyton solidifies his place as one of the top all time greats, not just a current great.

Jets can run, can’t throw.  Play great defense – if the other team only has one receiver.

The Colts have 5 receivers and can stop the run.  Beat the Ravens last week 20-3 and I’ll take the same score this week.

—-

Vikings at the Saints is the kind of game you really love to see.  I like the Vikes but their running game has vanished for two months.  I don’t see what the Vikings are going to do on offense that the Cardinals didn’t try last week.  The only way the Vikings win is to get to Drew Brees and force mistkes.  Too bad for them the Saints run so many quick plays that the defense has no time to sack anyone.  Best thing Minnesota can do it drop 8 and dare New Orleans to be patient and win on the ground, and they are not patient.  Close game, but I like the under and I like the Saints bringing a nice reward to their fans.  Saints 23-14.

ABC put up a summer high-FX high-cheese B and C-List actor movie called ‘Impact” about the moon being shifted out of orbit and on collision course for Earth.  It wasn’t great, not even close, but they tried some things and at least threw some atypical network tv sci-fi (not syfy) ideas to spice up the story. The science sounded scientific and the human interest portions were, well, interesting.

Now, in response, NBC has come out with ‘Meteor’.  I have to say that I am appalled.  This is a horrific production.  This ‘movie event’ is one of the worst things I have seen in a very long time.  I could only stomach the first hour but in that time, and I’m sure I’m not spoiling anything since the viewing audience is minimal, I saw-

- a lead character get killed by a car for no reason

- a lead character get kidnapped for no reason

- Jason Alexander, who shouldn’t need the paycheck, in a bizarrely bad role, seemingly as the head of an important organization yet with the science and communication skills of Napoleon Dynamite.

- a subplot about a total tool and his girlfriend Toolina driving off to a day spa during a world crisis

- a subplot about a dirty cop who wants to kill his ex-partner’s kid and dad.  (this one really offends me – it’s a movie about an asteroid coming to hit Earth – what’s this pointless revenge crap doing in here?)

- a scene with some white trash bigot stealing bottled water from the store.  After all, nothing brings out the racist in all of us like a pending celestial calamity.

The missus and I love bad movies, but usually because they are so bad and cheesy you can find the humor in them.  But this….no, I’m afraid even I have standards.  So, without further ado…

The ‘Worst Thing I Have Seen on TV’ Award for 2009 (so far) goes to “Meteor”!   Congrats to everyone who made this blight on the viewing landscape possible.

10. Jon & Kate Plus 8, but only on weekends and alternating holidays.

9.  Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Jon’s new girlfriend Sherry.

8.  Jon & Kate Plus Block, Sharpe and Levine, LLC.

7. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a room divided by masking tape.

6. Jon & Kate Plus bitter resentment

5. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Kate’s new girlfriend Sherry.

4. Jon & Kate Minus 8 cos the kids cited irreconcilable differences.

3. Jon Plus 24 hours of uninterrupted silence.

2. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a speedy reconciliation in order to keep their million dollar show on the air.

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Join the Octomom Plus 14 in secluded anonymity.

The US Dept of Homeland Security believes their best shot at catching Osama Bin Laden is to nab him when he tries to cash in his free birthday dessert at Applebee’s.

Hannah Montana is the Disney Channel’s most successful program ever, surprassing Leroy Illinois and Monte Vermonty.

If you stacked up all the Oreo cookies in the world – you’d really be missing the point.

People licked the backs of postage stamps for 11 years before the Postmaster General got the idea to put glue back there.

The record for most appearances on Hollywood Squares is held by Paul Lynde.  In 2nd place- Fidel Castro.

Got some mad hail here at work.  I have always been amused by hail.  Water too big to fall fromthe sky so it freezes and tumbles around in the clouds over and over before looking for an unsuspecting windshield.

10. Tears for Hamsters

9. Hamster & Oates (although Oates is more hamsterish)

8. Nine Inch Hamsters

7. Van Hamster

6. Electric Light Hamster

5. Hamster Supply  (and their International hit “I’m All Out of Hamster”)

4. Bananahamsterrama

3. Destiny’s Hamster

2. They Might Be Hamsters

1. REO Speedhamster

Tom Selleck – greatest mustache in history – yay or nay?

10. Your time to complete the 40 yard dash is 4.78 ….  minutes.

9. You’ve been disgnosed with black lung disease.

8. Your ornithophobia prevents you from playing for or against the Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons or Ravens.

7. Last week you were knocked unconscious by the tackling dummy.  Again.

6. You are wearing your protective cup – but not correctly.

5. You only weigh 113 pounds.

4. The coach says “Run an in-and-out pattern” – you return with an In-N-Out hamburger.

3. Someone hands you a football and you ask what it is.

2. Your lack of depth perception makes it impossible for you to catch any thrown object from any distance.

1. You graduated high school in 1964.